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The Science of Relationships: How Intimacy Works at Every Level

August 2nd, 2016 05:27:21 pm


 

It’s been said that relationships can last for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  But does anyone know why?  Here are some of my thoughts on the matter.

 

 

Acquaintanceship (Based on Interest)

 

These are scenarios that may be related to a “reason.”  At best, acquaintanceships are based upon shared interest.  Relationship types at this level are often business related, social or recreational.  Intimacy formed at this level will be on the lower tiers of the intimacy pyramid (i.e. social conversation).   Acquaintanceship signifies the introduction of a person, and its scope is limited by the function that person performs as perceivable by the outside world.  While most relationships begin with acquaintanceship, they can and often do evolve into greater forms of intimacy. 

acquaintanceship-based-on-interest

 

 

Proximityship (Based on Local Benefit)

 

These are scenarios that may be related to a “reason” or a “season.”  Proximityship is based on local (or virtual) circumstance (i.e. neighbors, co-workers, online communities) or mutual benefit (i.e. tribal, safety, economy) and cannot stand independently without a connection in values.  In some cases, it is common to deny proximity if there is no connection in values.  While the interface proximityship provides fosters an even deeper opportunity for intimacy in unique situations, once the benefit changes the proximityship will also change.  Many proximityships have been mistaken as friendships and partnerships, although they can grow into deeper relationships.

proximityship-based-on-local-benefit

 

 

Friendship (Based on Values)

 

These are relationships that may be based on a “reason,” “season” or a “lifetime.” Relationship types at this level may stem from any acquaintanceship or proximityship.  Intimacy at this level will be on the higher tiers of the intimacy pyramid (i.e. idea sharing, risk-taking, trust).  Friendships are based on shared values and a deliberate choice to maintain the engagement.  Friendships may include interest, locality and benefits, but are not dependent upon them.  While acquaintanceship and proximityship are scenarios based on external circumstances and changing priorities (passive), friendship is based on internal choices and unchanging priorities (active).  Friendship holds shared values at its core, which creates an emotional pull to prioritize the relationship.  Mature friendships will stand the test of not only external changes, but also internal changes within the friendship.

friendship-based-on-shared-values

 

 

Partnership (Based on Commitment)

 

These are relationships that are based on commitment and love (“lifetime”), which include not only shared values and friendship, but the prioritization of the partnership over all other relationships.  Partnership endows the deepest vulnerability and total transparency which fosters the ability to feel loved.  Partnerships occur because of a conscious choice by both partners to prioritize the partnership over any obstacle that may occur externally or internally.  The extent to which a partnership experiences success comes from each partner’s ability to face deeper levels of self-honesty and trust while extending the resulting intimacy to their partner while prioritizing the relationship.

partnership-based-on-commitment

 

 

Balanced Vulnerability:  Head vs Heart

 

When we approach relationships with “all head,” we risk having too many boundaries and not enough vulnerability.  When we approach relationships with “all heart,” we risk having no boundaries and too much vulnerability.  So practice vulnerability if you’re rigid, and practice boundaries if you’re flaccid.  Rather than seeking to find your counterpart, focus on balancing your own head and heart.  Instead of reacting when things go bad, commit to understanding both your own and others’ behavior while practicing self-honesty to create a balanced vulnerability.  A balanced approach will encourage satisfying relationships and self-esteem.  

 

 

Conclusion

 

It’s a challenge to define how we relate.  My speculation of (at least some of) the inherent dynamics we experience within our relationships may help to clarify boundaries, enhance growth and balance emotions.  While there are no wrong ways to have any type of relationship, there are various resulting levels of health and satisfaction depending on the intimacy achieved within it.  The question is:  Are you building intimacy by accident, or on purpose?

 

 

 

About the Author:  Todd Schaefer

 

Get your free 30-60 minute consultation with Todd Schaefer by emailing (drd8 at hotmail dot com) with "Business Coaching Inquiry" in the subject line.   


How to Price Your Services to Protect Your Business and Self Worth

July 25th, 2016 09:11:03 pm


 

Are you avoiding the temptation to low-ball your self-worth?  Are your services priced to protect your livelihood?  Have you created the necessary systems that shield your business from hagglers and days of naturally fluctuating self-worth? 

 

The gold nuggets I am about to extend have worked successfully with business owners I have coached over the years.  I postulate these scenarios to promote the establishment of boundaries for business owners who may have either muddled boundaries with their clients or who have not implemented the degree of structure necessary to create lift-off in their business as of yet.  Let’s discuss a few dynamics on how to price your services to protect your business and self-worth.

 

 

Use Coupons to Your Advantagehow-to-price-your-services-to-protect-your-business-and-self-worth

 

“Running coupons” (i.e. Groupon, Living Social) brings in potential clients at no cost to you, except your resource of time to redeem them.  It provides you the ability to practice developing your skills of selling, business management, scheduling sessions and more.  Use coupons to carve out your fledgling business just as you would run water through an aqueduct to find out where the leaks are (i.e. areas of improvement).  The free client flow (water in the aqueduct) provided by coupons gives you invaluable experience as a business owner.  You can have a profitable business purely based off of coupons if you learn how to construct an aqueduct along the way.  That is, you must learn how to systematically convert coupons into sales in order to profit and avoid a revolving door business.

 

You will undoubtedly attract both profitable clients and unprofitable clients via coupons.  Coupon holders are generally broken down into three types: 1) Interested, 2) Curious and 3) Cheap.  It’s worth practicing identification of which is which as early as possible.  The ‘Interested’ will listen intently.  The ‘Curious’ will need you to get them into touch with their motivations, and the ‘Cheap’ will have the “something for nothing” mentality.  Some of the “Cheap” are experienced hagglers who may sniff out if you’d be willing to lower your prices (and your self-worth) if you make them an offer to invest in your services beyond the coupon session.  Don’t bend to their will.  If you allow a potential client set the rules in your business, it is a red flag.  Habits such as these ensure rough waters are ahead, even if you seem to be making money at it. 

 

Every person you see will teach you something about you and about the type of business you want to run.  Every time you see an opportunity to make a tweak, make a note of it, and then continue carving out your business systems until there are no more leaks in your aqueduct.

 

Remember, time is your most precious resource as a business owner, so any time spent in service to a potential client should also be spent qualifying if you want to work with them before you make a sales offering.  Nevertheless, you should be happy as a lark to have “free marketing” bringing in prospective clients for you to practice on.


 

Never Lower your Prices in Front of a Client – Ever.

 

“Can you go lower?” they ask.  Perhaps you could, but it would hurt you, your business and your client.  You are lowering your value, you are making it harder to stay in business (unless this is a “hobby” for you), and you are allowing the client to determine your value.  There may be cases where you want to be generous, but those should be limited exceptions (a set number per month), and not standard practice.  If negotiating price with a client is your standard practice, then I can virtually guarantee that you haven’t identified what your services are worth.

 

Unless you have decided ahead of time the ‘lowest discount you can offer,’ and unless you have presented on paper to your client your pricing system, you may be in trouble.  Your price points should be “set in stone,” from your highest non-discounted acceptable price all the way down to your lowest discounted acceptable price.  Your pricing system protects you from your day to day fluctuations in self-worth.  You never want to be caught thinking or deciding something about your worth in front of someone you are about to sell to.  Simply say, “I’ll get back to you on that,” if you need time to think.  But don’t think or decide in front of them.  If you do, you’re at tremendous risk of self-sabotage in compromising your self-worth for their approval. 

 

 

Encourage “Yes” by providing a Few choices.

 

Money loves structure, so the more you can parse out your services into blocks of time (as in weeks or months), the more you are training the client to understand the power of long-term results and that true change comes with consistency and commitment (true with anything).  Giving clients options allows them to place themselves into your offering based on their affordability.  If you need weeks or months to do your best work then determine what length of time you need to produce your best results and then design a package around it.  Don’t try to work your magic into a smaller time frame than you need.  Create the depth of your work with your clients according to your needs as a practitioner, and then allow them to choose among a few offerings as to where they fit in.  Avoid “yes or no” scenarios by presenting choices and then asking them, “Which option feels the best to you?”

 

 

Offering More Value Means Commanding Higher Prices

 

It’s so easy to win over clients when you simply exceed their expectations.  When clients “get more” by working with you as opposed to “the practitioner down the street,” they are receiving a higher value for what they’ve paid.  This could be as simple as offering extra worksheets, MP3s you’ve recorded, eBooks, whitepapers, etc.  Any supplemental material that gives more value can present enough leverage to command higher prices, especially if no one else is offering it.  Ideally, your extra value offering should not equal ‘extra time’ you spend with the client.  But if extra value does mean extra time spent with the client, be certain you are charging handsomely for your extra time.  Your available time as a practitioner will always be your most valuable resource and hottest commodity, and excelling as a business owner at higher levels of success will look like getting out of the “time for money” trap, even if you’re very profitable.


 

Offer Add-on Value Incentives Instead of Discounted Prices

 

Last, never take away from your bottom line once you’ve established your price points. If someone asks for a discount and it’s below your lowest pre-determined discount, consider offering an add-on value of something else you’ve previously created instead.  If they see the value – great!  You’ve closed the deal.  If that doesn’t work, I would let the client go.  If this sounds bold, it’s probably because you are priced too low right now for what you are offering, or you are offering too much of your time for your quoted price (same difference).


 

Conclusion

 

I’ve touched the tip of the iceberg in terms of teaching how to price your services for your business and your self-worth.  There is so much more to learn.  The question is: “How committed are you to your business?”  And if so, “How long will you take to learn the basic necessities to become predictably and residually profitable?” 

 

When you invest in yourself, two major things happen:  

 

1) You shorten your learning curve, and

2) You keep yourself accountable to your success. 

 

Now, go out there and keep making a difference, practitioners!  Take care and good luck.

 

 

   

   Free Marketing Training - How to Attract Your Best Clients 40min

 

 

 

 

About the Author:  Todd Schaefer

 

Get your free 30-60 minute consultation with Todd Schaefer by emailing (drd8 at hotmail dot com) with "Business Coaching Inquiry" in the subject line.   


Intimacy Building Guide for Approval Seekers: When to Invest Yourself and When Not To

July 7th, 2016 07:31:41 pm


 

 

This article aims to help the approval seeker to know when and with whom you should be investing your time and energy building a relationship, and when you shouldn’t invest in both friendships and romantic relationships.

 
 

A Word about Archetypes

 

The archetypes I provide in this article say nothing about a person’s inherent worth nor addresses whether they are rejecting you or accepting you.  The archetypes merely suggest how much intimacy a person may want to have with you as indicated by their behavior.  Be advised that these archetypes are oversimplifications designed purely for the purpose of making general comparisons about stages of intimacy and not for the purpose of putting every human being in a box.  The overarching intent of the article is to help you (the approval seeker) learn where the boundaries are, when it could be healthy to pursue intimacy, and when it’s not healthy. 

 

 

Trust Trend

 

You can’t trust instances, but you can trust trend.  The longer the trend in observing behavior, the more likely your inferences will be true (at least for you and that’s all that matters).  When I say the word trend, I suggest months of time.  But circumstances will vary and you will not always desire to invest the time, nor do you want to invest too little time.  The greater epidemic with self-sabotage tends to be judging too quickly, however, an approval seeker doesn’t know when to quit.  Regardless, I hope this article saves you time and energy.  

 

 

 

The Intimacy Archetypes

 

 

The Stiff Box

 

In observing trend, you will find that The Stiff Box fairly keeps to themselves.  They may be distant and/or polite. They may be professional. They may be friendly. You may have had a few nice chats with them.  But overall, you’ve seen a pattern of their guarded behavior.  Intimacy at this level looks like social conversation (“Hi, how are you?”) and small talk (the weather, current events and sometimes family).  These topics are “safe” and do not require vulnerability in order to have exchanges.  Don’t confuse The Stiff Box's niceness with a desire for intimacy with you.  Small talk allows The Stiff Box to connect with you while remaining protected.  You will see a lot of this in the workplace, mainly due to the fact that many different personalities need common ground to mesh together.  The Stiff Box may have a significant fear of intimacy or may simply be clear about their personal boundaries, reserving greater intimacy for long time trusted friends and family.

 

 

Why You Feel Drawn to The Stiff Box

 

Approval seekers may feel drawn to build intimacy with The Stiff Box due to their sometimes friendly and professional nature.  Testing this boundary generally reveals that the outward professional or friendly demeanor is where the intimacy ends, and you will find your attempts at building intimacy generally unsuccessful in penetrating The Stiff Box.  The Stiff Box needs a significant amount of time and connection (and sometimes equal stature) to build trust, and may only retain long time trusted individuals for this purpose.  Yes, they are innocent and deserve love like everyone else, but an approval seeker like you won’t be fulfilled by a person who either doesn’t know how to build intimacy, doesn’t build it on purpose, or is scared to death of intimacy.  This is especially true if your relationships are naturally deeper than those The Stiff Box has cultivated. 

 

 

Conclusion:  Their behavior isn’t about you.  Accept them as they are, respect their boundaries and enjoy the level of intimacy you do have with them, and move on.

 

 

The Squishy Box

 

In observing trend, you’ll find that The Squishy Box feels rather comfortable to you.  They appear rather open and up front, willing to talk about social conversation, small talk, and even idea sharing.  You may find common ground with The Squishy Box, discovering that they are willing to connect on multiple levels including exploring philosophies and sharing stories and worldly ideas.  The Squishy Box is malleable.  It has semi-permeable walls.  It is flexible.  Unlike The Stiff Box, it has much greater capacity for expansion.  However, you will often find that The Squishy Box returns to its normal size.  This recoil after a period of time reveals that while idea sharing can lead to a greater connection, the intimacy doesn’t always last and isn't always real.  You’ll see this in motion when multiple pleasant, engaging connections (which may imply the start of a relationship) seem to “restart” in subsequent days.  Thus, the Squishy Box is often slippery, often redirecting or retreating in mid-conversation.  The Squishy Box is more flexible and less predictable than The Stiff Box, but may withdraw from your advances in intimacy if it makes them uncomfortable or if it’s something they simply do not want.  Ergo, risk taking may or may not lead to a relationship.

 

 

Why You Feel Drawn to The Squishy Box

 

Approval Seekers will find The Squishy Box is more fun than The Stiff Box (unless you prize predictability or you are The Stiff Box yourself), but you may find yourself unsure of where the relationship stands with The Squishy Box.  To resolve this, test their boundaries by looking for reciprocity by contacting them outside of your normal encounters which their resulting level of engagement will yield where you lay within their priorities.  Once you’ve discovered when they begin curtailing conversation, respect them, and accept that this relationship will likely be circumstantial.  Also, several declined invitations is a clear boundary, whatever their excuse.  "Fair weather friends" are often The Squishy Box, which implies “easy come, easy go.”  While they may value your connection and even consider it unique, your presence may be inconsequential.  As an approval seeker, you want more intimacy than that.  So hold out for better.

 

 

Conclusion:  Their behavior isn’t about you.  Accept them as they are, respect their boundaries and enjoy the level of intimacy you do have with them, and move on.

 

 

 

The Spacious Box

 

In observing trend, you’ll find that this person feels the most comfortable to you.  What makes The Spacious Box unique is that your conversations seem to build upon each other.  The feeling you have with The Spacious Box is that something is growing and expanding, and it does not recoil.  It stays. 

 

 

Why You Feel Drawn to The Spacious Box

 

Approval seekers will feel a rather instant connection upon your early conversations with The Spacious Box, as if you have more intimacy than you’ve spent time together.  The spacious box has tons of room for you.  Over time, you learn that this person takes their connection with you seriously, and that conversations continue to evolve.  Like any box, you start with social conversation, then small talk, then idea sharing.  But the dividing line here is when you begin taking risks, such as confiding and sharing your emotions while having the advances reciprocated.  Enough connection at this level leads to trust.  In trust, you discover there are fewer and fewer risks, and the intimacy feels fulfilling to both you and The Spacious Box.  A friendship has emerged based on genuine caring.  With the other two boxes, it is unclear as to whether politics are involved which doesn't engender trust or risk taking.  Nevertheless, The Spacious Box is the type of person you want to invest yourself with emotionally.  There is risk taking on both parts, indicating that both of you are trusting each other and interested in increasing your bond.

 

 

Conclusion:  Their behavior isn’t about you.  Accept them as they are, respect their boundaries and enjoy the level of intimacy you do have with them, and build upon it.

 

 

 

Intimacy Customs

 

People who don’t understand intimacy or fear it will trade commodities instead.  “I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine.”  Discomfort with intimacy either leads to trading or not being able to receive at all.  The person with the most fear in the room is the one who feels the most awkward when you give to them.  Those who do understand intimacy know that giving expects nothing in return, and that you truly only gain by giving.  Granted, you will be able to receive from boxes with whom you've cultivated the most intimacy.

 

 

 

Boxes Can Change

 

Depending on emotional state and the current level of trust and safety a person feels, anyone (including you) may be The Stiff Box in one instance, The Squishy Box in another, and The Spacious Box in yet another.  How a person shows up and with whom may change their box.  However, what makes a person a predominant box type is their personal level of comfort with themselves which will yield consistency among their relationships.

 

 

 

Building Intimacy Takes Trust

 

Practice developing relationships and taking risks with whom you are comfortable, but be sure to heed the level of intimacy each person is comfortable reciprocating.  Respect the boundaries once you find them.  If you continue to try to gain approval once you see a consistent boundary, disappointment will abound.  Keep looking.  Keep practicing trust, and the people who want what you want will gravitate to you.

 

 

   

   Free Marketing Training - How to Attract Your Best Clients 40min

  

 

 

 

About the Author:  Todd Schaefer

 

Todd Schaefer, C. Ht. is a Clinical Hypnotherapist and co-founder of the Arizona Hypnotherapy Clinic and Schaefer Institute of Hypnosis in Phoenix, AZ.  Free hypnosis scripts and eBooks available at http://www.arizonahypnotherapyclinic.com/ .


How to Attract the Best Clients

July 3rd, 2016 02:56:02 pm


 

 

 how-to-attract-the-best-clients

People ask me about this often, so I thought I'd write about the topic and provide some helpful tips about how to attract the best clients.  Let's find out where those fish are!

 

 

A Growing Epidemic - Marketing-Challenged Small Business Owners

 

I've met so many talented business owners and practitioners who open shop and help people with their expertise and services.  But their biggest shortcoming by far is the "m" word - marketing.  Few know how to properly make their marketing produce desirable results, often settling for "running a coupon" or attending ill-fated networking events.  

 

Rather than pontificate about how we should be investing our time and hard earned dollars on marketing (extra hard-earned for small business owners), or spending precious self-promotional face time, let's instead focus first on who we are looking for.  This article aims to circumvent all of the trial and error associated with disappointing marketing efforts and instead focuses on the most important thing when it comes to how to attract the best clients - creating your ideal client profile

 

 

 

Why Finding Your Ideal Client is Paramount

 

You've perhaps heard of the importance of creating an ideal client profile, but you haven't done it yet or simply skipped over it, moving on to what seemed to be lower-hanging fruit.  If you're like me, you may have misunderstood the power of the ideal client profile.  It can be easy to overlook the power of the profile when our low-level anxiety causes us to spend umpteen hours looking for anyone who we can help.  It's normal.  But since you're interested in saving time and money and you're willing to put that anxiety on the back burner while doing your homework on the front end, I'm going to share with you these gold nuggets.

 

 

How to Attract the Best Clients - The Gold Nuggets 

 

Gold Nugget #1:  If you don't know who you're looking for, anyone will do.

 

Ever heard the phrase, "If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there?"  The same works with clients.  Accepting just any client may pay the bills, but it won't cause you to better understand who you are here to help.  By that I mean, if you don't study who you've helped, how helpful they felt you were to them, how you felt while working with them, and what types of people buy from you, not only are you leaving money on the table but you are also depriving yourself of developing your own specialization.  In other words, when you get clearer about who you help best, you better leverage your strengths and expertise, enhance your marketing as a result, and help your best clients find you.  Does this sound sexy, so far?  It should, because it has teeth.

 

 

Gold Nugget #2:  Learn how to profit from the clients you've seen by analyzing trend. 

 

Ask yourself if you would rather clamor for the same clientele as countless other practitioners or if you would you rather enhance your specialization, leverage your own talents, and grow your business from the inside out?  When you analyze trends (using a proven system), then you are in control of your business.  When you see who buys and what their unique characteristics are, you can begin to target more of the type of clientele you are wanting - and those who want you!

 

 

Gold Nugget #3:  Once you know where the fish are, cast your line there every time.

 

Finding fish is only difficult when you don't know where to cast your line.  But when you do finally catch one, is it luck or is it skill?  Was that one fish simply in the neighborhood?  Or did you cast your line where the entire school of fish hang out?  When you learn how to identify your ideal client, you learn how to find where the schools of fish hang out.  Then you simply cast your line there each time.  There are so many target niches online filled with schools of fish who want to be caught by YOU!  But they don't know how to find you.  

 

 

Gold Nugget #4:  Targeting a niche isn't enough. Your clients need YOU, specifically.  

 

Maybe you've identified your ideal clients, generally speaking.  Maybe you know where to find people interested in hypnotherapy, reiki or yoga.  But targeting a niche isn't enough because there are a million other fishermen fishing in the same pond.  You need to identify what sets YOUR ideal clients apart.  What makes them the perfect fit to work with you?  How is 'how you connect with your clients' unique?  What makes you different from the next practitioner?  You have strengths about 'how you help people' that are completely unique.  Now, you need to leverage that.  Once you do leverage your best strengths, it'll be like putting stink bait on your hook.  The fish will attract to you so fast because they will see themselves in your marketing because you've created a profile for them.

 

 

Gold nugget #5:  Connection wins over credentials, every time.

 

Your ideal clients will feel connected to you, and you will feel connected to them.  That is the power of ideal client profiling.  Ideal clients don't care as much about how long you've been at it so much as they care about feeling they can trust you.  Clients who walk in merely wanting "the best" and never minding the connection really don't know what they need (and sometimes, want).  Think about it.  "The best" is cold.  It's not warm.  Credentials are cold.  (Necessary, but cold.)  Personalized written reviews from people you have helped who share their gratitude so that your future clients can see it - that's warm.  Creating an Ideal Client Profile so that your future clients can recognize you - that's warm.  The best part is you don't have to be the best!

 

 

Gold nugget #6:  You gotta give up 'good' to get 'great.'

 
 
Small business owners who are practitioners tend to get into business to express themselves through service as their motivation moreso than the dollars as the motivation.  Actual business-minded people tend to not be service providers.  They are two different skill sets (and arguably, two different personality types) and neither type tends to be skilled at its opposite.  Therefore, it is important to compliment your talents with learned skills which traverse your less skilled attributes in order to balance your success.  Unfortunately, the ones who do not challenge themselves in this way have usually settled for being a self-proclaimed expert while secretly fearing the disapproval of others if they were to give up good to get great.  But the reactive process of watching what others do is a powerless, approval-seeking game of self-sabotage.  Those who have the courage to go further, to rise into their passion, to be unafraid of ridicule, to be different, to challenge themselves - those people become great.  
 
 

 

Attracting Your Ideal Client vs. Getting a Client with Old School Marketing

 

Perhaps by now you are learning that you don't need to go out and buy a bunch of fishing gear.  Kidding.  But seriously, though.  The science of old school marketing historically means knowing: 1) who you are looking for, 2) where to find them, and 3) how to make them want to buy what you have.  Can you imagine how much time and resources have been wasted trying to achieve such?  For the smart business owner (YOU), there is a much more evolved, effective method for enticing your ideal client.  

 

The Ideal Client Attraction Method is:

 

1)  Learn how you connect with your client.

2)  Understand how they benefit from you.

3)  Reverse engineer your ideal client.

 

 

If you would like to become a ninja master at creating an Ideal Client Profile so that you can makeover your unique marketing in a completely customized way and ascend to the upper echelons of business ownership (aka gain profit and strengthen your craft), I urge you to invest in my Ultimate Ideal Client Attraction Program.  It's highly effective, affordable, and I will lead you step-by-step through the entire process with confidence.

 

Until next time!  God bless.

 

   

   Free Marketing Training - How to Attract Your Best Clients 40min

 

 

 

About the Author:  Todd Schaefer

 

Todd Schaefer, C. Ht. is a Clinical Hypnotherapist and co-founder of the Arizona Hypnotherapy Clinic and Schaefer Institute of Hypnosis in Phoenix, AZ.  Free hypnosis scripts and eBooks available at http://www.arizonahypnotherapyclinic.com/ .

 

 

 

 

 

 

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7 Ways to Stay True to Yourself

August 5th, 2015 10:29:15 pm


by Amber Pound


 

 

 

It often takes courage to accept ourselves at our core.  It’s not always easy to live an authentic life when we live in an expectation driven culture.  In fact many of us lose ourselves in the game of life and we surrender who we are for approval, for maintaining relationships and keeping peace.  I believe that genuine happiness starts with honoring our core values, beliefs and our true wants.  Here are 7 ways in which you can be true to yourself and live a life that’s in alignment with who you are as a person.
 
 
 
1. Never Allow Someone Else to Think for You:  While this may seem obvious, it’s not uncommon for many of us to find ourselves unconsciously siding with someone or something that goes against our authentic self.  Why do we do this?  Typically we do it to people please or to feel accepted and neither of these behaviors will result in us feeling good in the end. 
 
 
 
2. Don’t Be Afraid of Change:  This prevents you from growing and developing into the best version of yourself.  Take on the challenge of being uncomfortable because that feeling is only the beginning of a transition into something better.
 
 
 
3. Don’t Sacrifice Your Own Happiness or Well-Being for Someone Else:  When we do what makes us happy, we are staying in accordance with our true self. That being said, putting other’s contentment ahead of our own will typically leave us feeling taken advantage of and occasionally even bitter.  It’s important to set up personal boundaries in obligatory situations such as these. 
 
 
 
4. Listen to Yourself: Many of us tend to quiet those prolific voices that occasionally play in the background of our mind.  Those productive reverberations in our subconscious need to be cultivated as they are there to help guide us on the path we were meant for.  When we shut out our intuitions, we block ourselves from getting where we need to be, therefore hindering the course we are in alignment with.
 
 
 
5. Be Honest With Yourself and Others:  Make an effort to identify your vulnerabilities and shed awareness around the aspects of your life where you may be untrue to yourself.  For example, how do you act at work, around your in-laws or on a first date?  Do you put an a facade and if so does it compromise your core values?  
 
 
 
6. Your Power is Yours to Keep: Searching for external validation from others is one way we sacrifice our power, but many of us also do it by falling into the deep trenches of victimhood.  Being stuck in such a mindset only cultivates more and more feelings of disempowerment.  Our power is sacred to the development of who we are as people, it is what gives us control over our life.  Why give something so precious away?
 
 
 
7. Stop Caring What Others Think:  Making a commitment to disregard perceptions or judgements can be very challenging, especially if we rely on their approval and/or validation.  However, by doing this we yield to their opinions and create a distorted self-perception and self-worth.  This is unhealthy and unproductive and far from living an authentic life.  It’s important that we accept ourselves for who we are and not who we feel we should be.
 
 
 
Being true to yourself means allowing your authentic self to empower your life.  Make a vow to live in accordance with who you are at your core.  While it may be challenging at times, it is one of the single most fulfilling things you can do for yourself.  “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”  -E.E. Cummings
 
 
 
 
 

About the Author:  Amber Pound

 

Amber-Pound

Amber Pound is a writer and blogger for Arizona Hypnotherapy Clinic, specializing in self-help techniques and applications in Emotional Change-Work Therapy.  Free hypnosis scripts and eBooks available at http://www.arizonahypnotherapyclinic.com/ .

 

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