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How to Communicate Better with Your Spouse

July 25th, 2012 03:34:25 pm


Whether you have been in love with your partner for 50 years or if you are newlyweds, it’s important to remember increasing your communication skills with each other is extremely important. It will help you make decisions that affect your whole family to be more efficient and successful. Today, we’re going to discuss how to communicate better with your spouse.


There has been a consistent belief that, in relationships, we should pick our battles. This would be a mistake. Speaking in a kind way about your feelings with the person you are supposed to trust and love the most in your life will not only benefit your relationship, but also your family and all those around you.


Here are some ways for how to communicate better with your spouse:


  • Learn to communicate:  Between any two people you have a conversation perceived in three different ways. Two perceptions come from the couple in the conversation. The third perception is what is really being communicated. Another way to say it is the “correct” perception. Is what you think is happening, really happening? Or being communicated? This can be very different from what’s being perceived by the couple. Taking the time to be objective during a confrontation or communicative event helps you to experience what is happening from your partner’s point of view and be less triggered by what is being said. How to communicate better with your spouse can be easier as you let yourself be more open to the possibility that they could be perceiving the conversation in a very different way than you are.


  • Listen First:  Unless you are asked to speak first, let your spouse go first. Listen intently and ask clarifying questions. Not intrusive, just simply ask, “Help me understand that better”, “What would happen if that was different?”, “That’s interesting, tell me more,” “I’ve never thought about it that way, can you explain?”. Effective communication when coming from a solution-oriented place can move the mountains in your relationship that have held you back until now. Simply being solution-oriented in your communication approach can be extremely effective for how to communicate better with your spouse.


  • No Mind Reading:  Unless you have been endowed with some magical gift, you cannot read your partner’s mind. It is so easy to assume we know what the other person is thinking especially if we have been with them for an extended period of time. Sometimes you may be right, other times, perhaps not. But when clarity is vital you don’t want to make the mistake of thinking you know what’s on your spouse’s mind, because you could be wrong. If that’s the case, then you could miss out on a powerful opportunity for growth in your relationship.


  • Being Really, Really Mad is Okay:  Some of the best development can come from confrontation. I have had great growth in my own relationship because I allowed myself to say exactly how I felt. There is a common belief that we must keep our cards close to the vest, and not show our whole hand. I suggest to you that if you love your partner, if you want to have a better relationship, remember it’s not a poker game - it’s your life. How you can communicate with your spouse can alter old beliefs that come from “parent tapes,” childhood experiences and previous relationships. A great deal of healing can take place from simply being honest with how you feel. Even if it means getting angry.


These tips for how to communicate better with your spouse have served me greatly in my relationship’s tenure.  I know that if you apply them, you will be on your way to experiencing the same kind of success.  Happy relationshiping!


- Your Professional Friend C.Ht.

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